Head Over Feet
by Chikita
Summary: Songfic The tragic love that ended with death. Nakago and Soi. SPOILERS


**Head Over Feet**

A/N - I don't own any of this. Lyrics are from Head Over Feet by Alanis Morisette.

_I had no choice but you hear you_

_You stated your case time and again_

_I thought about it…_

Standing in the vicinity of the camp that the Seiryuu Seishi had set up for their overnight stop before continuing along the next day, the golden haired shogun, sighed softly, staring out across the desert, his sapphire eyes level with the plain before him. He stood, alone, waiting. Silence rolled over the land.

The only thing he heard aside from the obvious silence of the desert was the soft, sweet voice of the young woman who fell into his life.

'Nakago.' The sound of her voice echoed in his mind, as she said his name in the gentlest and loving of ways.

She was a strong woman, yet so frail before him. She looked up to him, her eyes shimmering in loving admiration. He couldn't deny the love that was in her eyes and touch. Yet, he never found himself able to utter such words to this creature he felt almost unworthy of.

He could only return such feelings to her by touch; even then, it was still a difficult struggle to find the means by which to express it. He felt that she was sometimes too good for him. She stood strongly by his side, time and again expressing her love for him and without question, carrying out his will. No other person did such things, except out of grudging and reluctant loyalty.

The others all had their own intrinsic motives and ulterior intentions with their loyalties. She was the only one who didn't. He believed he had just begun to understand her case and her love for him. He knew it existed, but had only begun to think about it…

_You treat me like I'm a prince_

_I'm not used to liking that_

_You ask how my day was._

Nakago sighed softly, watching her get ready. He knew she wasn't aware of him watching her, he was happy having it like that. He could figure out her mystery. She loved him, and that he didn't understand. He couldn't grasp why she would treat him like a prince… No, like a king when so many others would see him as nothing more than a tool by which to achieve their ultimate goals.

He wanted to reach out and gingerly finger that soft, long flowing burgundy hair that she ran her brush through in rhythmic strokes. But, he stopped, pulling his hand back and folding his arms over his chest, just watching her. That's all he would do for now. He couldn't think of much else. He was at a loss for expressing his desire to hold her close and to touch her lightly and lovingly.

His heart sank sadly. He knew he loved her, but his mind denied him that knowledge, telling him that it was just a hallucination and that in the end she would hurt him like everyone else had. That she would wind up being the one to betray him in the cruellest way.

He was deeply lost in thought, that he hadn't realised he had been seen.

"Nakago." She stood up, or at least turned around and smiled warmly at him, placing her brush down on the makeshift table. She pushed off, gliding over to him. She stopped short of eliminating the distance in front of them. She lifted a hand, brushing back loose bangs from his face.

With a steely expression, he replied softly, "Soi…"

_You've already won be over in spite of me_

_Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet_

_Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are_

_I couldn't help it_

_It's all you fault._

Shutting his eyes, Nakago secretly relished in the sweet, intoxicating touch Soi possessed, as she touched him. Even though it was feather-light, it was the most arousing sensation to his body. All the military power and strength in the world failed to rival the strength she gave him. His will came from her. He couldn't imagine being without the delightful lady… He felt he would be useless.

He felt light-hearted in her presence, as he watched her move toward him and coming to rest her hand on his face after pushing long strands of hair from his face.

He felt an urge to embrace her small, slender form in his arms and hold her close to his body, inhaling her fresh scent. He wanted to feel her body against his, fitted so nicely in his arms, as he felt her love for him and understand just what he felt for her. He thought it was a dream…

He thought it honestly was just a dream until he felt her hands gingerly tugged and divest the armour from his body, her body so close. Her mouth was inches from his as she whispered his name once more. Her voice was filled with the love she had for him, as she once more employed her bravery to confess her eternal and undying love to him.

He shut his eyes, relishing in her touch, before he rested a hand on her shoulder, staring into her eyes in the brief allocation of time before her swift move cupped her mouth over his. Her lips tasted sweet and succulent against his. Her body felt soft…

His hands snaked around; wrapping around her slender waist, pulling away the sash that held her armour and tunic in place, giving her an air of ascendancy. It was discarded to the floor, as he desired and longed to try to express what he felt for her in something beyond words. Words failed him time and again. This wouldn't…so he hoped.

_Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole_

_You're so much braver than I gave you credit for_

_That's not lip service_

Sensing his response, Soi guided him back, gently pushing him down on to her bed, gingerly removing the rest of his armour, his gentled skilled hands moving like butterflies over his body. They caressed his sides, drawing internal plaintive moans from the golden blonde haired man, who lay calmly, staring up at the beautiful maiden that had been thrust at him. When he had stumbled upon her, being brutally mistreated in the back alley, he felt a flicker of hope.

What did others call it? Good fortune. That was the only way he could possibly describe it. It wasn't good fortune because she came to serve him in a way no other could. It wasn't because she was strong physically or had the skills of a prize-winning warrior, which she did have. It was her kind heart and soothing touch and kind, warm words that won him over.

Sighing softly, his expression unchanged, despite his internal, bubbling bliss, he could only just imagine what he could say to her. He wanted to say he loved her, but the words couldn't even be formed by his lips, as he felt and heard it from her time and again. He could only bring a hand to touch it to her face, pushing back the silky hair that carelessly fell in her face.

'Soi, if only you knew and were able to understand that I felt the same…'

'No!'

Two contradicting voices surfaced in his mind. One yearning for freedom to profess the love that filled his heart everytime he was near her. His desire to reach out and hold her in his embrace, stroking a hand over her hair soothingly, telling her that she would be fine and that they weren't alone and they had each other.

The second was nastier, it told him of pain and suffering he would go through if he did tell such bold, meaningless words to her. It encouraged denial of such feelings, writing them off as nothing more than lustful.

He swooned in ecstasy, feeling her lips fiercely yet so softly claim his, transferring a light amount of chi. He felt his heightened and relaxed under her touch.

_You are the bearer of unconditional things_

_You held your breath and the door for me_

_Thanks for your patience_

Sitting at his desk, glancing over military plans and maps, Nakago sighed softly. He was moderately distracted. He tried to appear as though he were working, as he was in office and anyone could walk in on him, even the ever-so flamboyant Tomo. The opera general oft grind his nerves, especially when it came to Soi.

He never understood the man's disposition and disinclination for Soi. He adored her. Her gentle warm smile held reign in his senses, as he slowly found escape from his childhood of trauma. She was his salvation. Each kiss that gently was pressed against his lips was a release from the past, thrusting him forth.

Shutting his eyes, he sighed, only being able to picture her. He could feel her hands on his shoulders, her breath against his neck, her lips on his ear and her voice whispering sweet words of love into his ear. Though he could never express such things, he embraced her and everything she was worth to him.

Nakago knew he would never find the words she so easily grasped and that saying what slid off her tongue with eloquence would only tighten his throat. His only way was to be with her, let her do as she wished to. He hoped it was enough to make her believe he did love her, because he did. False words were so simple when dealing with a naïve girl from the other world that was only here to serve as Seiryuu no Miko. She was only for that reason.

He knew saying he loved her was easy because he didn't. Lying was easy when the other didn't know. But expressing love when it truly came down to it was harder than debating if he should invade Konan now or later…

"Later." A soft voice whispered. A pair of gentle hands massaged the shoulders bare of the almost always present armour. The slender hands moved gingerly over his shoulders, erecting a thin plaintive mew.

"I'll be waiting for you later." The same soft, feminine voice whispered again. The nuances on the accent spoke volumes of her love. It brought reality up from what might have been a hallucinogenic desire.

No, he just wasn't picturing the soft voice in his head. At that, he inwardly smiled. Soi did indeed stand next to him, her slender; soft hands on his shoulders, he mouth against his ear, her breath caressing his skin. It wasn't an illusion; it was reality.

He only cracked a wane, barely visible smile, but inside, he felt relief at her touch. He could relax his distraction now real. He didn't mind. If it had been anyone else he would have severely considered blowing them, off the face of the earth in a single chi blast. But it was her, the one he truly loved and tolerated.

Her mistakes were only trivial, holding no meaning. Her successes were everything. He trusted her. If she failed, he comforted her. He didn't take such shortcomings from anyone else, only because she loved him and he felt likewise.

He lost everyone he had cared about. He became apathetic, until the day he found her. Slowly she taught him to be happy again. He felt it, but couldn't express it. But, nevertheless, such things were better for him.

He rested a hand on hers. "Hai, Soi. Later."

'Later seems like eternity when it comes to you…' He thought sadly. His soul ached yearningly for hers. He felt it closest to his when she was with him, in a joining. Yet, he found himself short of the eloquent words he longed to poetically spout, professing his deepest and profoundest desires for her…

_You're the best listener that I've ever met_

_You're my best friend_

_Best friend with benefits_

_What took me so long_

His deep blue eyes enunciated horror as before him, she thrust her self, in the line of fire, taking her life, letting him keep his. The sword penetrated her back, a calm look over her features, as she stared at him, before a happy, warm smile crept over her lips, as she stated her love for him once more, before collapsing. He could only perpetually watch in profound devastation as this played, unfolding before him, in slow motion. His soul felt torn in half…

The same image played on a reel over and over in his mind. He couldn't get over it. The one thing he had left died, all for him. She had sacrificed her life for him. He had found the tears, but they never fell from his eyes. He grieved for her. His soul couldn't bear for him to part from her; he held her body, wanting her with him for eternity, guiltily regretting his silence and inability to have expressed his love for her…

'Soi, aishiteru…zutto.' He thought, his heart heavy with melancholy. This was his sole, singular thought, as he impassively let his power slip from his grip with the utterance of a wish by the enemy, feeling a fist penetrate his chest. His soul had been thrust forth, revealing the ruins of his childhood for the enemy, giving the man something to see. He felt it erected pity. He hadn't the need for it.

Grabbing the boy, Suzaku Seishi, Tamahome by the hair, Nakago scornfully regarded the boy, "I do not need your pity." He didn't growl it, but remarked quite curtly, before shutting his eyes. He did so, letting himself die.

It was better than living. He saw someone calling him, holding out a hand to him. He reached out taking that hand. She had waited for him, holding out her hand. Having took it; Nakago stared into her eyes. Once more, he was with the one he could love and sincerely.

Maybe now he could make up for the time he had wasted, waiting so long to say it. Instead, he said nothing, feeling her sweet lips on his. He sighed softly, forgoing saying anything for now. This spoke volumes more than the most exquisitely composed words ever could. It was the most fulfilling thing he ever felt, since he had last been with her, his best friend and his true love.

He felt her break her lips from his, staring at him. Gently bringing a hand up to touch his face, Soi stroked her thumb over his cheek. "Aishiteru…"

He had the compulsion to respond. Perhaps now words wouldn't evade him this time. Hopefully his throat would have a voice and his mouth wouldn't dry. His lips moved, as words permeated over, seducing her expression to one of crying happiness. "Aishiteru, Soi."


End file.
